PITY

Wouldn't it be great if you could have a help button in life. Just push it and you know what to do. Or to have a sign out option. When you need some time to think things through you just log out of life to take a break from this society. The score tonight is 2-0. 2 being women, 0 being my pride. The guy that said that life was balance was clearly high. The truth always hurts. Specially when you're as down as me. That shit is more lethal than alcohol, drugs, cigarettes. So watch out everybody. Sometimes you just gotta let go you know? Hanging on to a moment, a loved one, a friendship is not always the best thing to do. Maybe thats the problem in the first place. Admitting there was a problem. Now to quote death cab for cutie "So one last touch and then you'll go. And we'll pretend that it meant something so much more. But it was vile, and it was cheap and you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me". That last touch meant the World to me. There was too much pressure. My hope at the time was dangling on a tremulous rope. I did all i could to save her, but she slipped through my fingers once more. Maybe it was vile, but it wasn't cheap. It was out of pity but she still got the best of me.

TRADING DREAMS FOR PENNIES

In the end we are all going to look the same, taste the same, be the same, feel the same.. so why worry for today? If it'll be the same as yesterday except with less pussy. Promises are made. Dreams are in motion. Promises are broken. Dreams are not wanted anymore. I'm trading dreams for pennies. Anyone interested? Holding auction until my last breath. Some way out. No room to hide like in the movies. No blanket to comfort me when I shiver. No sun to warm the cold earth. Not enough poison to damage your veins. I guess no more. I know I'm fucked in a million different ways. Just as I once fucked the mind of time. It all comes to an end. No mother to seethe me baby. I am officially a walking dead. The part that matters most is dead. The battery that kept this clock in motion has run out. And no, no spares left to replace the last. Anger has gone away. All thats left is enough pain to kill an elephant. Darkness wins the best of me. Women are bitches, Who would want them? me. Who could possibly desire them? Me. Who needs them? ME. Escaping from reality i wish to fantasize ones more. I want to prove for myself that "impossible is nothing". But what i would really want is a change of heart. Cause this ones too messed up and broken in so many ways that it can't do what it was made for.

Darkness

Women are bitches. They take you to the sky and then they let you fall. As the song says "Some nights i wish that the sun would never show its face". Saturday night i wish that the sun would've never shown its face. How is it that they can fool me so easily? Why is it that I fall so hard, so fast? Women are fakers. Ironically i love women but that doesn't mean i don't hate them either. Now i specially hate one for making the worst that she could've done to me. She made me hope for a new tomorrow. And i knew it wouldn't last forever. Nevertheless it was hope at the very dark end of the road. But then i couldn't see anything. I fell in the abyss. Slowly but surely.

Collide

Why is it that under the shadow of the sun, shades on, an overcrowding chill rolls up in your spine? I'm in a car driving 10,000 miles an hour on a highway called love. And i don't know how i got here. I was just minding my own business then all of the sudden i was put out. I was dragged out of reality and into this world where madness rules. I can't seem to get my life on track. I'm not ok. Im not fucking ok. Without any inch of privacy i am dreprived of a right. The right to love your love. The thing is i can't. I can't love anymore. And that's something i've been finding out about myself lately. I'm not made for that. I thought i was. But im not. And thats a problem. Again, im not ok. Everywhere i look, i see couples kissing or hugging or holding hands. And i dare to ask myself: Am i ever going to be like them? Everywhere there's temptation, almost nowhere: hope. The fear of dying alone is overshadowed by the fear of living alone.

FORBBIDEN CRUSH

The heart of a man is fragile. Its easily broken and almost impossible to put entirely back together as it was before the crush. The primary hunch. It leaves little pieces every time it falls in love; every time there’s a break up. It’s like a bird taking his first flight and crashes into an invisible wall that everybody knows it’s there but him. The bird will be scared for life and will constantly be on the watch for invisible walls, and in extreme circumstances he won’t fly ever again. Just when I thought I was over her. The claws of love pulled me back into the firing pit that’s barely above hell, and miles away from heaven. You have one shot, one chance for happiness. Almost everyone falls because they are too scared or too dumb to open their eyes and see that the real treasure of happiness has been standing right in front of him the whole time. I for one have been to hell and back just to feel a little fire; just to feel alive. The pounding love riot ready to release its fury. Standing at the gates of my heart ready to burst it open once more. There’s just this ounce of honor; pride still left in me forbidding me to go for it. She’s taken, she has a boyfriend; karma’s a bitch. Every thought strikes my mind like lightning in the middle of the day. Cigarettes and whiskey don’t cut it anymore. Sure, you feel a moment of joy, happiness and specially HOPE. But when the smoke clears and the effect of the alcohol vanishes, the hope you had built up goes too and something called reality takes over. One wakes up with an idea in the head contrary to what really is happening. An idea that the night before seemed likes the only way out of the agony. And you wake up feeling good about yourself no knowing why. There’s a possibility you might be the hero in her sky. But there’s a higher probability that you are just another grain of sand in an endless beach. There’s nothing that differences you from other people. You’re no longer special; to her you are just another guy. That’s the fear that keeps you up at night. That keeps you like a silent vigilante. You don’t have any patience for the future nor hope for a new beginning or a better tomorrow. Your eyes are open but your heart is closed. Nature has played a dirty trick on you. Destiny is nothing but a mockery of the past. Before you know it the love riot’s so strong, so fierce, that it never surrenders; it never retreats. It stays hidden, waiting, holding, taking, wanting, and needing. The ounce of honor and pride is leaking. The riot slowly drains it away. The pounding gets stronger than ever. Blinded by the truth you’re back on the roller coaster of a helpless crush. The love riot breaks free. The cigarette burns out. Only when it’s too late you know, you realize it… YOU’RE FUCKED.

PRETENDER

You’re just a fucking pretender, and that’s all you’ll ever be to me. I can’t believe you. Just when I thought you were going to take us fucking serious you go and fuck me again. You know what fuck it. I don’t give a fuck anymore. It’s like you had a double fucking personality, one that wants me, and another one that hates me. Cut me some slack. Fuck. When you are with me it’s like heaven, but when you realize what you are doing; Thoughts start running through your head and you start thinking straight. And that heaven you fantasized about turns into hell. And most importantly you think of me as another fucking devil burning on the pit of hell. I don’t fucking need this shit. HAVE A NICE LIFE fucking pretender and excuse me while I take another sip of whiskey.

The thing that should not be.

i feel like shit. I did something yesterday that i promised myself i was never going to do again. So much for honour.. Im an asshole, Im a motherfucking asshole. You are supossed to learn from your mistakes right? then why the fuck do I always end up repeating them. I guess that's what i do. I was watching The Last Samurai earlier and they were talking about honor. You don't see honorable people in this society anymore. There aren't. I'm in a dark place right now. I just hope that the person forgives me.

2008

For a lot of people is a new beginning. Good for them. Funny thing about new beginnings is that along the way mistakes tend to catch up. When it rains, burried substances arise to the surface. And one does ponder the possibility that it would've been better to just face them at that time. As for me, im not really the believer of a new year i mean, you wake up being the same person, same place, same fucking weather. For me, its the same shit. My advice for this New Year is that if you want a fresh start, you may have it, just don't do it to run away from the mistakes you've made in the past, do it for the right reasons.

Confessions

What happens when you find out that everything you have done in life was worthless and you look in the mirror and there's a void where your heart used to be? I guess you'll never know.. 'Cause your life's so fucking perfect and mine is so fucking lame. Girls that are serious don't want me 'cause of the mistakes of my past, and the other girls just want a one night stand with this fucked up man. I guess i'll never know if all of it was worth the trouble. I'm not regreating any, in fact i'm glad that the little i've done has shaken up the foundations of someone, peace out...

"MONEY TALKS>BULLSHIT WALKS"

Yesterday i paid 70 bucks to go to a new year's party, it was in a club called praia. I supossed it was going to be a good one since i paid a small fortune to get in. And when im inside the fucking party sucked. THere was nobody. 50 people tops. I said fuck im getting out of here. I went to this other club called TAO. I went with a couple of my friends. We knew the bouncers. When we arrived at the door he told us we needed a ticket to get in. My other friends were like sucking up to him. I dont like to be a suck up so i let them do the work. After 15 min waiting i got impatient and said to my friends "fuck it guys we come every weekends and now this fuckers wont cut us some slack. fuck them man lets get out of here" but they didnt listen and the bouncer let them in. And said to me "You see, your friends played it cool, but you got mad and now all your friends are inside and you are here" So i stayed there without moving and the bouncer asked me "Are you still angry?" "I was like hell no"(i needed to say what he wanted to hear) he was like ok. and then he let me in. I go upstairs and i wanted to get inside the VIP were all my friends were. Same shit. I knew the guy and when i try to get in. He was like man you come every weekend and i play it cool with you, always letting you in and you never give me any green. whats up with that. And i was like fuck. So i had to give him some and he let me in. So at the end of the day "MONEY TALKS> BULLSHIT WALKS"..