MONSTER (This is my last post, enjoy)

You know, having a blog nobody reads is kind of sad, and pathetic... Because when you think about it, what's a blog anyway? It's a virtual space, it's your virtual space, where you post your feelings; all your boring, angry, sad, suicidal feelings... Everyone is trying to show off, who writes the coolest poem or who writes the perfect haiku. This is not even real. This is the internet. It's intangible, it's not human. So, as human as you may try to sound, it won't reflect the whole picture. If you feel the need to be heard, get a friend, or go to a psychologist. Or if you're really screwed up go to a psychiatrist, i'll be happy to take your meds for you. Getting back to my previous point, I guess I'm tired of reading all the crap that people are posting. Everyone is writing about how sad they're life is, in different words, with ultimately the same meaning. If you're thinking that I'm doing the same thing, hence my self loathing. I'm done writing on a blog, but before i go i want to give my readers one last lesson. I've learned that in life, sometimes you have to do what's wrong to make things right. Some people try to be normal, others want to be different. I say that humanity is overrated. I've lost it. You call me an asshole i tell you thats fair. This is how i've coped: a red bull every once in a while to help me get through the day, sleeping pills to get me through the night, alcohol to tolerate people, cigarettes to help me keep the self loading under control. Monster: Say whatever is on your mind, do whatever the fuck you want. Yes, i hate people and No, i don't have a problem.

No me reproches ninia

Im always left with empty chances, with promises so far away, with possibilities of something, but with outcomes of nothing. "Si alguna vez fui malo lo aprendí de tí. Si te estoy haciendo daño lo aprendí de tí. Maldigo mi inocencia y te maldigo a tí, Maldita la maestra y maldito el aprendiz, maldigo lo que amo y te lo debo a tí." I...maybe we'll never know. It can't be. It won't be.

"Death and Taxes"

You think you want in, but i know you don't know what you're getting into. So turn around and go back to your parties, to sipping' "champagne" and to your long and boring talks with your boyfriend. This life is not your life, this isn't you. This is a curse, not a blessing. You have to be chosen not driven. I'm sorry, but you are out. I thought I could get away for some time, be normal... for a while. But now I'm back with the burden, with the sleepless nights, with the never wanting mornings. I guess it's better. I think it's right. Without it there is no purpose. Don't even look, 'cause there's nothing worth saving in me. Just move along as I struggle with the weight of the World on MY shoulders, even though half of you don't deserve it. I'm already damaged, you might still have a shot... Nothing is certain but death and taxes.

DEFYING REALITY

I will hide behind the walls of my intelligence just to prove my point. No desperate need of designation nor alteration. We are perfect just the way we are. There is only one way to win in life, and that is to cheat death. There is only right or wrong. No middle ground. There is never a settlement in between.

 I've learned that in order to succeed  in life, you have to be an ass.  A jerk. And if that means to piss some people off then do it. Never look back. Never regret what you can't change. In order to be an ass you need to have a reason. I won't discuss mine, everyone needs to find their own. Everything that is, needs to be rational. People are always in the way. People are always getting through. 

Politicians: Animals with the power to rule a nation. A power given to them by other animals who do not know and will never know that the power lays within themselves. It doesn't matter what they are, the only thing that matters is what they do: LIE, STEAL, PERSUADE, IGNORE, DESTROY, CORRUPT, CHEAT. If we define people by their actions, we would name them animals, because no man would do all that and have the nerve to wake up everyday as if he were doing what's right.

Models: Vain, shallow people that in order to get through life God granted them the gift of "beauty". If Darwin were alive, he would laugh at all models. Walking mannequins could do their job, and better. What's their purpose? Seriously, there's non. 

In my absence I also learned that family is important. And I'm not talking about the one that you have right now, because you were born into it. I'm talking about the family that you will have in the future. The person you choose to live with for the rest of your life (or the next couple of years). Your sons and daughters. The daughters of your sons, and the sons of your daughters. Even though I'm against it, I understand the meaning that they will have in your life and in the moment of your death. I know, and i wish i didn't. Maybe You had to die, to show me. Maybe... Everyone got something different from that experience, i certainly did. 

I wish we had more time. I wish I could've saved you. I wish you didn't save me. I wish you were here. I wish i was there with you. I wish for everyday to be june. I wish to see the sun again, someday, face to face. DEFYING REALITY

• "Humanity is overrated."
• "Reality is almost always wrong."
• "We all make mistakes, and we all pay a price."

 

Two Ravens in an old oak tree...

Is all change bad ? Would I...? Should I...? We consciously never know what our life has in store for us. But I think that unconsciously we do. How many times haven't we felt a hunch, a feeling, that something is going to happen. That we might not get that job we so desperately want. That the girl I called is never going to return my calls.  That the persons that are sick are never going to get healthy again. We sometimes know, deep in our hearts that somethings are destined to happen, and they happen for a reason. Maybe we can't change the outcome of things. Who would want to. Some people are born to suffer. Some are born to laughter. And maybe, just maybe, some want to be miserable. Not because they want to be pitied, but because at least they have an excuse.

No More

When everyone is drunk, who will be there to see? Nobody will be able to talk, cigarettes clouding our mind and Electro beats damaging our heart. I went to a club on saturday night, and i didn't like what i saw. Not because of the illegal minors misplaced, not because of the tequila shots some people drank. But because i realized while I was there, that this generation is fucked. I don't know if it's because I'd never been as sober as I am right now. But there is something really wrong. And to tell you the truth, I don't want to be a part of it. I wont. Every friday night's the same, Every saturday night's the same. We let our instincts get the best of us. They looked like animals more than they looked human. And I pity them. I seriously do. And forgive me if I don't join in your little ritual of stupidity and self-reliance. I'm done. (oh, i forgot to mention: "Everybody lies", Most people never change & Some people are just damaged by nature)

Most faithful mirror

But today is a new day, and even though it rains i still miss your face. And the sunshine is nowhere to be seen, and the streets are filled with disgusting attitude. Today will be the day. Later on tonight. Like a spider in your heart. We'll be forever traced. Because "love is a verb, and a gentle impulsion" Even if the tattoo is fading, i smile. You went through me and into my brain. Like the ink, that comes from the pen. "When all are one, and one is all" Maybe i missed the rainy days. Maybe I just needed it. We all need umbrellas every once in a while. We all need to cover ourselves from the "rain"

You can't break the broken

A lot has changed since I've been lost. Maybe not my name, maybe not my face but pretty much everything else. I stopped believing in love. I stopped believing in chance. I no longer fear death. I don't care about the World, its fucked up anyway. The laws made by the sane were not meant for the insane. Friendship lies in the eye of the beholder. People have corrupted the purpose. Revenge is a wonderful thing. There's no sickness in health. Marriage doesn't work. Life is to fragile and complicated. Destiny is for robots. Music is for geniuses. I stopped reading fiction. I don't wanna be taken someplace that doesn't exists. I don't mind going there and not coming back. Sometimes its better to be alone. Sometimes its better to be with someone. Its the little things that matter. There is no gravity where i live. I hate rainy days. I love the color blue. I love the sun. 7:00 PM is absolutely beautiful. God exists and i love him. My eyes are open, and i know. The end justifies the means. Everything that happens, happens for a reason. It's all in your mind. The things we love are always first to go. There won't be another moment like the the one you're living now. The hottest sand is always the one we are on. The outcome is always on us.  Maybe it's true what they say. People never change, you can't break the broken. I've already been to hell and back. And I just don't care what you have to say, so stop talking and go 'Cause I'm already gone. I loved you but i fucked up. And now it all comes back to me. And now it all comes down on me. No one can carry the weight of the world on their shoulders, so I won't even try. So what if i drink? So what if i smoke? Maybe you should judge someone with judgement, maybe you should judge someone who gives a shit. Some people spend their whole lives wondering what if ? I confess, i am one of them (hence my self-loading). But when we make a decision, we are doomed to fail, or to hail. There is no middle ground in this war. Either you do what you have to do, or you do what you want to do. Nevertheless, the outcome is on you.

"... Don't Tell me if I'm Dying, cause i don't wanna know

  If i can't see the sun, then maybe i should go..."

Aunque no sea conmigo

A placer, puedes tomarte el tiempo necesario que por mi parte yo estare esperando el dia en que te decidas a volver y ser feliz como antes fuimos  Se muy bien que como yo estaras sufriendo a diario la soledad de dos amantes que al dejarse esta luchando cada quien por no encontrarse  Y no es por eso que halla dejado quererte un solo dia estoy contigo aunque estes lejos de mi vida por tu felicidad a costa de la mia  Pero si ahora tienes tan solo la mitad del gran amor que aun te tengo puedes jurar que al que te tiene lo bendigo quiero que seas feliz aunque no sea conmigo

Enrique Bunbury

PRETENDE

LO IMPORTANTE ES PARECER, NO SER, ME DIJO UNA AMIGA ESTA TARDE. Y PARA SER SINCERO, NO SE, CREO QUE LE CREO YA ES MUY TARDE PARA SER YO. LAS PERSONAS EN ESTE SIGLO NO SABEN EN DONDE ESTAN. CREEN QUE TIENEN TODO Y NO TIENEN NADA. LA VIDA ES DEMASIADO CORTA PARA SER. PREFIERO PARECER Y PASARLA BIEN QUE SER OTRO NUEVO QUE SE QUEDA ARRAIGADO EN EL CAJON. PREFIERO PARECER FELIZ AUNQUE POR DENTRO ESTE MURIENDO. PREFIERO NO CREER EN EL AMOR, SIN ESTAR CONTIGO POR MIEDO. QUIERO TANTAS COSAS MATERIALES Y SIN EMBARGO NECESITO TU ESPIRITU INFINITO. PREFIERO UN CIELO GRIS A UN CIELO AZUL. UN CORAZON FUERTE A UN CORAZON DE LUZ. PREFIERO UNA MEDALLA DE HONOR A UN BESO DE TU BOCA BAJO LA SOMBRA DEL SOL. PREFIERO VIVIR EN OTRO MUNDO SIN TU AMOR. PREFIERO NO SABER DE TI A MORIR EN EL INTENTO. INTENTO NO RESPIRAR OTRO SEGUNDO DE TU CUERPO. CUERPO ETERNO QUE SE FUNDE CON EL TIEMPO. TIEMPO DE SOBRA TENEMOS PARA APARENTAR NO QUERERNOS. QUERERNOS COMO DOS INDIVIDUOS AMANDONOS COMO UN ENTERO. ME ENTERO QUE PREFIERES SER TU Y NO UN DESIERTO. DESIERTO DE INCERTIDUMBRE QUE SE UNE SI SE ENCIENDE. TE ENCIENDE VER LA LUNA Y LAS ESTRELLAS QUE SE ENTIENDEN. NO LO ENTIENDES. ESTA VIDA ES MUY CORTA PARA SER UNA GENTE. PRETENDE, QUE TE SALDRA MEJOR A LA LARGA Y A LA CORTA. PRETENDE QUE VIVIRAS MAS ANIOS EN EL FRENTE. PRETENDE, QUE EN TU VIDA SALDRA EL SOL DE NOCHE SIENDO DE DIA. PRETENDE QUE UN SER HUMANO ES LO QUE PROYECTA. PRETENDE QUE EL QUE ACTUA NO SUFRE POR AMOR NI SE ENFERMA DE TEMOR CUANDO DESPIERTA SOLO Y PRETENDE.

I'll Wrap You In My Arms

No es suficiente tratar, no es suficiente sentir...Cada dia que pasa me siento más alejado de tí.

Vivo en mi mundo, tratando de sobrevivir en el tuyo, no tengo razones para compartirte, ni para dividirte. Quiero que seas tu siempre, el problema es que a veces nada sale como quieres. A veces con las mejores intenciones el cielo se derrumba sobre tí. Te extraño tanto y sin embargo no te puedo hablar. No sabes lo dificil que es respirar, vivir, sentir sabiendo que nunca volverás... Siendo tu en lo último que pienso antes de dormir... Siendo tu en lo primero que pienso al despertar. Te necesito como el mal necesita al bien. Como la luna necesita el sol. Como el odio necesita al amor. Necesito que cumplas tu promesa, ya que yo no puedo vivir sin ella. 

"Ooh

Standing by a broken tree

Her hands are all twisted,

She's pointing at me,

I was damned by the light comin'

Over all as she

Spoke with a voice that,

disrupted the sky.

She said,

"Walk on over, yeah

to this bit of shade,

I will wrap you in my arms"

And hold you safe,

"Let me sign,

let me sign."

Let Me Sign

Robert Pattinson

YOU CHANGED

"Well i don't know when it happened...  Maybe when i was in hell. Maybe when i was staring right at you..."

Damn you technology

COMO UNA TORMENTA ANTICIPADA, LA LLAME CON UN AIRE DE CONFIANZA QUE MUCHOS ENVIDIARIAN, Y CUANDO CERRE EL TELEFONO SE HABIA CERRADO TAMBIEN MI ALMA. NO SOLO ACABO CON MI CONFIANZA, ACABO CON TODO MI SER... ME HIZO VER LAS COSAS DESDE SU PERSPECTIVA Y LA ENTIENDO HASTA CIERTO PUNTO...QUE NO DARIA YO POR SER INCREDULO Y NO SABER (COMO PONERME EN SUS PIES).  ME DI CUENTA QUE NO SOLO DEBIA CAMBIAR DE ACTITUD, DEBIA CAMBIAR DE NOMBRE Y TAMBIEN DE CARA, PAIS Y CASA. TALVEZ NUNCA DEBI LLAMARLA...TALVEZ NUNCA DEBI DE HABER SIDO... QUE NO DARIA YO POR VOLVER ATRAS Y CAMBIAR TODO AQUELLO POR LO QUE HOY SUFRE MI CUERPO, MI MENTE Y CORAZON. COMO UNA BOMBA DE TIEMPO A PUNTO DE ESTALLAR, LAS ESTRELLAS SE FUERON DEL OTRO LADO DEL SOL PARA NO VER COMO MI TIERRA SE PARTIA EN DOS. PROMETI AL MUNDO NO VOLVER A VERLA , SIN EMBARGO MI ALMA LA BUSCO EN EL INFINITO...PERO NUNCA MAS. ESPERO NO VERLA NI EN ESTA VIDA NI EN LA OTRA. LA ATRACCION ELECTRONICA MURIO CON LA CONFIANZA Y CON EL CONTACTO. NUNCA VOLVERAS A SENTIR PENA, NUNCA VOLVERAS A SENTIR TEMOR, NUNCA VOLVERAS A SENTIR AMOR. NUNCA VOLVERAS A SENTIR Y PUNTO.

"FOR ME TOMORROW IS MY FIRST DAY

  SO PLEASE, DON'T TEMPT ME IN THE WRONG WAY..."

THE STROKES

I've been looking for you in somebody else, with no luck. I tried everything to keep you away from me, and it worked so nice. I just cant believe my luck when you said you were seeing somebody else. Different from me i have to confess you broke my two wings/\. 

I confess I tried to keep you away from me. I am dangerous to you in every single way there possibly is. So get out and find your dream. I still miss you dearly, but there's no escape. I had to let go. I had to. And now it seems that you've moved on. And I'm still stuck in your arms waiting for something that just won't come. The nights are worse than the days. And the days are all I've got left. There no more white roses or pretty ladies at my fucking door so i sing, i sing this to you, i sing this to all i cannot believe there no more labels for my post love_)

The day i first met you is still playing in my head. The song we first danced i have it carved in my chest. The day i let you go was the worst day yet. I have to confess i did cry i just dont know where they went.

Low

Subo, porque ya no tengo a donde más bajar. He tocado el fondo del océano con las manos, y todavía me queda aire para respirar.

¿ Pensar O sentiR ?

A veces hay cosas que se piensan y no se dicen. A veces hay cosas que se sienten y se reprimen. Aunque quisiera, no pudiera. Mi corazón se a perdido entre tus huellas. Jamás volveré a ser el que antes era. Como las pinturas Dalisianas el tiempo es lo más cruel que destruye y que acompaña. Tantas decisiones y tantas heridas en el alma. Ya no me queda corazón para la próxima que valga. En el cielo estarán las respuestas y en las nubes tu cabeza. No sólo se vive de cocteles y esperanzas. A veces te siento durmiendo aquí en mi cama. A veces quisiera que no viniera la mañana. La relación que aparenta la más verdadera acaba siendo la más dañada. Si tan solo tu sonrisa no ocultara, si tan solo tu mirada no dijera. Quisiera tantas cosas, para ti quisiera, para mi brindara, por lo que nos úne y por lo que nos separa. 

¿por qué?

PORQUE SOY UN PESIMISTA ESPERANZADO, PORQUE LO HE PERDIDO TODO Y NO HE GANADO NADA. PORQUE LE TEMO A LA OSCURIDAD Y SIN EMBARGO SOY UNA SOMBRA, PORQUE ME SIENTO PERDIDO SIN NUNCA HABER SIDO ENCONTRADO. PORQUE VIVO DE DIA Y DUERMO DE NOCHE, PORQUE RIO EN LOS INVIERNOS Y LLORO EN LOS DERROCHES. PORQUE MUERO CADA SEGUNDO QUE PASA. PORQUE EL TIEMPO NO ES NADA Y TU LO ERES TODO. PORQUE EL SOL SE HA APAGADO Y LA TIERRA SE HA ENCENDIDO. PORQUE LLUEVE SIN ESTAR NUBLADO, PORQUE TE OIGO SIN HABERTE HABLADO. PORQUE SIENTO SIN HABER TOCADO, PORQUE AVECES ME HAS TOCADO SIN HABER SENTIDO. PORQUE MI CORAZON SE HA ACHICADO Y EL VACIO SE HA AGRANDADO. PORQUE LAS COSAS SON Y NO HAN CAMBIADO. PORQUE HE ESTADO ARRIBA QUERIENDO ESTAR ABAJO. PORQUE SIN HABERTE EXIGIDO NADA TU ME EXIGIAS TODO. PORQUE CON PUERTAS ABIERTAS ME QUEDO ENCARCELADO. PORQUE A VECES QUIERO VOLVER AL PASADO ESTANDO EN EL PRESENTE. PORQUE EL PRESENTE NO CAMBIA LO QUE EL FUTURO HA DESTINADO. PORQUE SOY INJUSTO Y NUNCA TE DEJO IR. PORQUE SOY EGOISTA Y TE QUIERO PARA MI. PORQUE A VECES ME ESCONDO Y NO SALES A ENCONTRARME, PORQUE A VECES ME QUEDO ESPERANDO. PORQUE A VECES QUISIERA PODER Y A VECES PODER QUISIERA DECIRTE LO QUE SIENTO. PORQUE A VECES ME SIENTO COMO UN MUERTO VIVIENTE, PORQUE ESTAS PRESENTE EN MI SUBCONSCIENTE. PORQUE TE AME DE VERDAD, PORQUE NUNCA ESTUVISTE CERCA. PORQUE TU SIEMRE FUISTE UN FANTASMA Y PORQUE YO SOLO FUI UNA TREGUA.

TIME&TIME

There was a time when people were more human, now a days some dance to shine, others shine to fall, others fall to change, and others change to die. Time takes everything, every light runs out into the nothingness. Like the stars burst into supernovas, your love ran out of me. Promises are broken by the second, lives are born by the minute, doubts are flying like the hours, people are loving for a day and forgetting in a month and a year goes by as fast as a match burns into flames. There is no tomorrow for us, today is all we have, and if a day is nothing, into the nothingness we've arrived. Crazy people may live forever, but lovers die young. If red was the passion, blue was the hope. Destined to fall, how can we raise above? With every current against us, how can we survive? Maybe this is the end, maybe our time has come to embrace the remembrance of a yesterday's born. After all there's nothing wrong with love, only the ties attached to it. Like music to my ears you've failed to see. Time keeps on going dragging everything on its course: love, beauty, family, promises, friends, seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years, decades, centuries, lives, love...